Trump Heads to Debate on Zorkon!

Having walked away from a Fox News Republican debate based on his infuriation with previous debates on that channel where he was asked for, and unprepared for, his position on the situation in Yahtzee, Clairol, and the price of hummus in Jersey City, New Jersey, Donald Trump has accepted an invitation to debate Dracula, Frankenstein, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, several Mummies, and Dick Schneider, a deli owner in Ihavenoidea, Wisconsin, on the planet Zorkon.

Trump was seen in an interstellar limousine headed for the planet Zorkon.

Put the pedal to the metal boys, it's Zorkon or bust!

Planet Zorkon, 8 trillion light years from Earth seen through a glass ashtray.

de Tranquilo

Donald Trump's press secretary, Chapo de Tranquilo, had this to say:

"Do you seriously think that we're going to hang out in a dump like Iowa when we can hit Zorkon for a few days?

Keith Hymenzook, Professor of Commercial Instability at Laundry University, Montana, who was asked by Zorkon's Channel 4 News to moderate, commented: "I'm really disappointed that I can't attend the debate.  Unfortunately I have some sensitive matters to attend to right now. I have a gig with the IRS."

Hymenzook

Shigelsa Humadori, a Trump supporter, said: "What if he doesn't come back?  What if the time space continuum is disrupted somehow?"

Humadori

Saul Steinfeld, Intersteller Political Correspondent at Channel 4 and host of Zorkon’s most popular television program,“Who Cares?”, had this to say about the debate.

Steinfeld

“I think we’ve got the major candidates lining up for this debate,” said Steinfeld. “We’re grateful to the candidates for traveling through interstellar space for this debate.”

 
“We look forward to a spirited debate,” said Frankenstein’s campaign manager Arnold “Sparky” Cannoli.  Cannoli: “Look, if the spirited debate kind of goes astray, have you ever seen the candidate’s shoes?”

Cannoli

Mr. Frankenstein

Asked for a comment from Debbie Childhorn von Taxi und Another Taxi, Count Dracula’s press secretary, said this. “Mr. Dracula is focused on life on the planet Earth. The more throbbing life, the better, and he’s going to touch on these issues.”

Debbie Childhorn von Taxi und Another Taxi

Count Dracula

Creature from Black Lagoon

The Creature from the Black Lagoon was much more forthcoming.  

“Listen, I may have to get hosed off during the debate, but let me tell you something, politics stop when I come up through the toilet.”

The Mummies were difficult to contact, however we reached Zcakama Foster, spokesman for the Mummy People in Egypt and a professional in the Egyptian insurance industry since 4000 BC, who let us in on the Mummy run in the Republican race.

Foster

“First off, I want to thank the people of Zorkon.  These beds with sleep settings are amazing.  You know, politics have been around for quite a while, and I’ve got a lot of guys who volunteered to come over to Zorkon, mainly because we’ve seen alien invasions over the years, and we haven’t done a great job to counter them, but it wasn’t because we didn’t try.  In this election we’re unleashing a force of Mummies to present logic into the debate, prevent future alien invasions, and then come through the doors of the House of Representatives with legislation in our crumbling hands."

Mummy volunteer, ready to ship out!

Dick Schneider, deli owner in Ihavenoidea, Wisconsin, said, “I’ve got four 6-foot subs to put together in about 90 minutes to take to Zorkon. “Yeah, I’m going to debate over there.  Do you mind getting out of my way?”  But with all the intense pressure, Schneider still made time to stare out into the doorway and hum chords from Hotel California, greeting no one and hoping that the spaceship has more legroom than the last one.

Shirley Springbat, deli worker, who was attempting to construct all the subs under discussion, said, "Is this like Mars?."

Springbat

Gergen

David Gergen, political adviser to President Millard Fillmore, said this:

"I think Trump made an impressive strategic decision to walk away from Iowa and debate these new entrants into the Republican race and take his message to Zorkon.  These are formidable opponents, and I think he won't do well in the caucus on Zorkon in a couple of weeks largely due to the popularity of Dick Schneider.  We shouldn't write off Frankenstein, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, Dracula, the Mummies, Millard Fillmore, Charlie the Chimp, or Charlie the Toaster Oven.

"If you ask me who will provide the biggest challenge for Trump, I would say it's The Creature From the Black Lagoon. A lot of this election has to do with scaring the crap out of Congress, ISIS, Washington insiders, Wall Street, and countries around the world.  In my opinion, Black Lagoon, at any negotiating table, anywhere, will be far more scary than Trump.  He also has a big reason to be interested in climate change, and should he win the presidential election, I think the White House will be moved underwater. Black Lagoon is a bit behind Schneider in the polls, but let's see what happens on Zorkon and remember these are still early days in the campaign.  But I think anyone in this Zorkon debate will kick Trump in the ass one way or another."