“El Chapo” To Star in “Corpse Grinders IV”

Recently re-captured global drug kingpin and Top Chef of the Sinaloa Drug Cartel, “El Chapo”, aka Joaquin “Academy Award” Guzman, who hails from Marijuanaville, Mexico, has scored a lead in Ted V. Mikels’ long-awaited fourth installment of his highly-acclaimed Corpse Grinders classic film series. 

According to Mikels, Guzman will play the part of High Commander Zorg from the planet Dogma. 

“Originally he read for the part of El Charlie Chapo, but then I realized that he was perfect for the part of Zorg,” said Mikel.  “He’s the same size as the Zorg costume.”

Zorg

   

Mikels

Production for Corpse Grinders IV is set to begin in April.

Guzman was re-captured on Friday after 6 months of auditioning in Hollywood.   Guzman escaped from Mexico’s most-secure prison through a tunnel dug from his cell.   After his arrest, he was frog-marched back to his old cell.

Sean Penn, who is slated to play Captain Bowel in Corpse Grinders IV, told Rolling Stone magazine that he and Guzman became good friends after auditioning together for Mikels’ A Streetcar Named Death last November, 2015.

Wanted

“I think ‘Guz’ is on his game,” said Penn.  “I told him that he ought to think about the Stella Adler Method Acting School in New York if he wants to tighten his chops.”

Mexican authorities have asked the public for information leading to Penn’s arrest. 

No one can seem to find a copy of Corpse Grinders III, but of Corpse Grinders II, film critic Ben "Greasnin" Platt called it “a cinematic war crime”.

The plots of the Corpse Grinders films revolve around a cardboard meat grinder and aliens in sequined hats. 

What? You couldn't afford bagels?

 

Humans are put through the  cardboard meat grinder and the aliens, who are Outer Space Cats from the planet Frisky, pick up the tab and whisk tons of the stuff back to their planet since the only Costco on Frisky is out of cat food made from out- of-work actors.

He can afford bagels, he's just being incredibly cheap.

Please Ted, I need this job!

Special ingredients provided by the Sinaloa Cartel.

As you would expect, Mikel’s films involve plenty of thrilling special effects created with hamburger patties, fish tank bubbles, and hazard lights from a 1982 Chevrolet Malibu.

Blurry special effects make all the difference!

Rumor on Hollywood Boulevard is that the plot of Corpse Grinders IV revolves around the Outer Space Cats returning to Earth and cornering the market for Kitty Litter.