TSA Set To Announce 2015 Record Profit By Panhandling at Airports!

Last April, 2015, CNBC, and Matthew DeBord, Business Insider’s transportation editor and commenter on "America Now With Andy Dean" broke the story about the 2013 Transportation Safety Administration’s record profit of $638,142.64 in coins and currency as a result of their innovative TSA Panhandling Program or “PP” (pron. Pee Pee).  According to DeBord’s investigative reporting, the trend shows approximately15 percent growth each year since 2011.

  

Looks like JFK is leading the pack!

The 2015 whisper number on Wall Street is $1,000,000.

Why have travelers been so generous?

Victor Frisbee, spokesman for the TSA, said, “We put a bit of loose change into an ad agency called Forced Entry and they came up with the headline ‘Spare Change for Shorter Lines’.  That’s what started it all, and based on what we've been counting already from 2015 I think we’re going to hit the $1,000,000 target, without question.”

Frisbee

Frisbee added, “What’s exciting about the PeePee program is that the lines of people who want to donate are longer than our processing and screening lines.  PeePee is making all the difference!”

Travelers are eager to donate!

de HulaHoop

We spoke with George de HulaHoop, the TSA’s Director of the PP Spare Change Organizing Department, who commented, 

“This isn’t as easy as it sounds.  We get coins from all over the place.  Like, we have coins that are tiny and have monkeys on them. So we have to do all the research, analysis, and currency conversion to figure out that the monkey coins are worth about $0.0003 U.S."

 

"We get coins with rats on them and others we just can't figure out."

The Night Shift of the TSA's PeePee Spare Change Organizers at work at JFK!

Nonetheless, Lillian Boyer, 63, of Monkeyville, Iguanaland, is happy to donate.  “I think shorter lines are a great idea.  That way I can get naked and body searched even faster!”

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