Donald Trump Makes Emergency Landing in Nashville, TN

Candidate

Emergency Landing for Throngs of Awaiting Crowds

According to MSN News, the jet airplane carrying the leader in the competition for the United States Republican nomination for president, made a surprise visit to Nashville, Tennessee’s international airport recently.

Sources on the ground said that this was due to engine trouble.

Air traffic controller, Washington Roosevelt Monroe, guided the jet plane to safety.  

Monroe

Said Monroe, "I was actually eating a tuna sandwich while guiding the jet plane to safety."

We were able to contact Clutch Cargo, pilot of the jet, who said, “I think we sucked up Carly Fiorina into our left engine somewhere along the line.  Had we encountered Chris Christie, we would have been in real trouble.”

Fiorina

Cargo

We've got to get a bigger plane

While aides scrambled to find alternative aircraft to take Mr. Trump to an apple strudel bake-off in Clifton, Arkansas, Cyril Agouti, Mr. Trump’s hairdresser, said, “The silver lining in this is that we could stock up on glue.”

Agouti

Retired airman Sir Nigel Nutwing volunteered to take the candidate to Arkansas.

“I’m always up for a ripping ride through the clouds with goggles,” said Nutwing. “I think the glue is going to help.”

Nutwing

Charles "Blastoff" Stargazer, of the Tennessee National Laundry Delivery Service, also volunteered to help with his B-25 Stratofortress.  "I can move a bunch of tanks and a lot of materiel.  I think I can handle 30 hairdressers."

http://bit.ly/1Llv0zP

Stargazer

Previous election

Richard Branson Boo-Boo

Branson, after being bitten by a stingray and hurling himself into a plate glass door

http://bit.ly/1V6xWGa

MSN and Mirror just reported that Richard Branson, billionaire, has received a couple of boo-boo’s during a recent trip to Grand Cayman, a Caribbean island known for lovely scuba diving and money laundering. 

Branson totally annoying stingrays

Not only did he receive a 3-inch pinch by a stingray, but he then hurled himself into a bullet proof glass door at El Wrongico, a popular resort and money launderer in Grand Cayman.

Branson, popular on Twitter, Facebook, Assbook, and the Bank of America Message Center, proudly displayed his wounds on these websites.

Arthur “B25” Iglesias, professional Stingray in Grand Cayman, said this: “Listen, this guy was the most annoying human we’ve ever met.  It is no surprise that one of the guys gave him a boo-boo.”

Iglesias

“It looks like he hit the glass at an angle of 45 degrees and then grazed the door jamb,” said Inez Cardoso, housekeeper at El Wrongico, and the first to arrive at the scene of Branson’s glass encounter. “I did a suture with three stitches. That’s nothing compared to what I had to do for Sean Penn.”

Cardoso