TRUMP: Who goes there? Ivanka, is that you?
 |
| I, Caligula, the third Roman Emperor |
GHOST: Donald, it is I, Caligula, the third Roman
Emperor.
TRUMP: You’re a
ghost!
GHOST: Yes, that’s
because I’m dead.
TRUMP: I can see
you! You have on a Trump tie and shirt!
GHOST: Better to
blend in with your administration.
TRUMP: What the
hell do you want?
GHOST: I was just
in the neighborhood. No, only kidding! I’ve been watching you.
TRUMP: Everybody’s
been watching me. I’m very famous!
GHOST: I just think
we have a lot in common. I mean,
starting with the fact that you are Emperor.
TRUMP: That’s true.
GHOST: You know, I
built a lot of buildings, too, in my time.
TRUMP: What kind of
buildings, like hotels?
GHOST: Well, a
bunch of big buildings with gigantic columns and lobbies with the best marble
and gold. But my favorite was the palace
I built for my horse, who by the way almost made it to the Senate.
TRUMP: Any golf
courses?
GHOST: None that
I can recall. But I did build a floating
bridge about 2 miles long and I used to chase the Senators back and forth in my
chariot. I was brutal to them. I also spent money like there was no
tomorrow, cut taxes, created wars including fake ones, had a lot of great sex
with anyone including members of my family, and was known to howl at anyone or
anything, such as the moon, threatened everyone left and right, then pretty
much bankrupted the entire Roman Empire. They
said I was crazy.
TRUMP: I never paid
attention to Rome stuff at school but it sounds like a pretty good agenda to
me.
GHOST: I was very
popular for a while. Great poll numbers.
TRUMP: I’m
incredibly popular! I shoot people and they
still vote for me.
GHOST: Yes, so I’ve
heard.
TRUMP: Not from CNN
or that pile of garbage Buzzfeed?
GHOST: No, I can’t
get them. I use RT.
TRUMP: So you sound
like you’ve got a great resume. I’m
Emperor, so if I want a ghost on my team, it’s done. Anything special, any special skill that you
don’t have so I can put you in charge of that?
GHOST: I’ve never
been good at Health and Human Services.
In my time it was Death or Slavery.
TRUMP: Great. I’m
nominating you. You sound perfect. Great
to meet you. What did you say your name
is?
GHOST: Caligula.
TRUMP: All
right. How do my people get hold of you?
GHOST: Just tweet
@caligulathemonster
TRUMP: Say, one last
question. How long were you Emperor?
GHOST: Four years.
TRUMP: One term, and
you got voted out.
GHOST: Something
like that.
Ghost vanishes. Trump picks up his cellphone and tweets. The cock crows.
THE END
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| The Emperor's Pajamas |
Special History Education Bonus: http://bit.ly/2jvQeqI
Too bad the sculptor didn't have enough marble for Caligula's real hairdo.
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