Leon Trotsky and Benito Mussolini Enter 2016 Presidential Race!

Seizing the moment based on polls that show Americans are either veering toward a Socialist Revolution or Fascism, Leon Trotsky, known for his leadership in the Russian Revolution (socialism) of 1917, has entered the race, as well as Benito Mussolini, fascist dictator of Italy during WWII, known for his terrifying speeches and his best-buddy relationship with Adolf Hitler.

Mussolini

Trotsky

"Should we go back to that spaghetti place for lunch?"

Trotsky’s campaign manager, Boris Badinov, said, “Leon brings some new thinking into the race.  He has had experience in social revolutions, and at the same time knows how to vanquish enemies.”

Badinov

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin and Trotsky led a revolution that gave the Russian people free healthcare.

Trotsky is known for his intellectual thinking, experience, and logical approach to social revolution.

His letters and articles are a brilliant example of the application of the dialectical materialist method to the analysis of contemporary political questions and problems of party program and perspective.

 

In an interview with Trotsky on the campaign trail via FaceTime, he said, “I know I’m an outsider, but I tell it like it is, based on the dialectical materialist method analysis of contemporary political questions and problems of party program and perspective, and the American people are responding.  I think we’re going to take Iowa.” 

"Is it possible to get some decent borscht in this dump?"

Headed for a pancake breakfast in New Hampshire!

 

Mussolini, reached for comment, screamed, “Cerchiamo di avere un pugnale tra i denti, una bomba tra le mani, e un disprezzo infinito nei nostri cuori!!!” (Let us have a dagger between our teeth, a bomb in our hands, and an infinite scorn in our hearts!!!)

Mussolini at a recent Virginia Town Meeting!

Mussolini has recently been stumping in Iowa, New Hampshire, and Indiana.

Mussolini has a captive audience at the Iowa State Fair!

The press has had some harsh words to say about Mussolini.  One news network called him: “A vulgar, murderous clown.”  His nickname is “Il Duce”; which in English means “The Douchbag".

Il Duce's crisp explanation of fascism resonates with Americans!

Moussolini has a record of innovation when it comes to enemies.  He pioneered the use of human cannonballs to solve Italy's immigrant problem.

It's back to Algeria for you, pal!

Spumoni

His campaign press secretary, Beno Spumoni, commented, "The polls tell the story.  Mussolini has 41 percent.  End of story for all the losers."

Neither candidate has yet declared their affiliation to a party in the race for the presidency.  David Gergen, political adviser to president George Washington, said, “Duh!”

Gergen

Spheroid

  

Asked if there is a centrist candidate who might split the vote, “Doc” Spheroid, CEO of Spheroid and Dodecahedron, a polling agency, said, “Eleanor Roosevelt, former first lady and champion of humanitarian causes and diplomacy, is rapidly sinking in the polls now that Trotsky and Mussolini are in the race.  I expect she will drop out during the primaries.”

Roosevelt

“El Chapo” To Star in “Corpse Grinders IV”

Recently re-captured global drug kingpin and Top Chef of the Sinaloa Drug Cartel, “El Chapo”, aka Joaquin “Academy Award” Guzman, who hails from Marijuanaville, Mexico, has scored a lead in Ted V. Mikels’ long-awaited fourth installment of his highly-acclaimed Corpse Grinders classic film series. 

According to Mikels, Guzman will play the part of High Commander Zorg from the planet Dogma. 

“Originally he read for the part of El Charlie Chapo, but then I realized that he was perfect for the part of Zorg,” said Mikel.  “He’s the same size as the Zorg costume.”

Zorg

   

Mikels

Production for Corpse Grinders IV is set to begin in April.

Guzman was re-captured on Friday after 6 months of auditioning in Hollywood.   Guzman escaped from Mexico’s most-secure prison through a tunnel dug from his cell.   After his arrest, he was frog-marched back to his old cell.

Sean Penn, who is slated to play Captain Bowel in Corpse Grinders IV, told Rolling Stone magazine that he and Guzman became good friends after auditioning together for Mikels’ A Streetcar Named Death last November, 2015.

Wanted

“I think ‘Guz’ is on his game,” said Penn.  “I told him that he ought to think about the Stella Adler Method Acting School in New York if he wants to tighten his chops.”

Mexican authorities have asked the public for information leading to Penn’s arrest. 

No one can seem to find a copy of Corpse Grinders III, but of Corpse Grinders II, film critic Ben "Greasnin" Platt called it “a cinematic war crime”.

The plots of the Corpse Grinders films revolve around a cardboard meat grinder and aliens in sequined hats. 

What? You couldn't afford bagels?

 

Humans are put through the  cardboard meat grinder and the aliens, who are Outer Space Cats from the planet Frisky, pick up the tab and whisk tons of the stuff back to their planet since the only Costco on Frisky is out of cat food made from out- of-work actors.

He can afford bagels, he's just being incredibly cheap.

Please Ted, I need this job!

Special ingredients provided by the Sinaloa Cartel.

As you would expect, Mikel’s films involve plenty of thrilling special effects created with hamburger patties, fish tank bubbles, and hazard lights from a 1982 Chevrolet Malibu.

Blurry special effects make all the difference!

Rumor on Hollywood Boulevard is that the plot of Corpse Grinders IV revolves around the Outer Space Cats returning to Earth and cornering the market for Kitty Litter.