SEX DOLLS ATTACK, OCCUPY BELIZEAN HOTEL!

SEX DOLLS ATTACK, OCCUPY BELIZEAN HOTEL!

Placencia, Belize, December 6, 2015  –  Without checking in, a platoon-sized force of Sex Dolls today took control of a prominent hotel located in Maya Beach; a swanky tourist strip on Belize's Placencia peninsula.

The Dolls apparently slipped into Placencia unnoticed during the night of December 5, and began their assault on The Maya Beach Hotel and Bistro before first light on December 6.

The Sex Dolls immediately secured the front desk, the rooms, the pool, the bar, kitchen and restaurant.   Guests and staff were herded from the hotel in various states of undress and sent to the Placencia Road outside of the hotel. 

“We had no time.  They told us to get out on the street.  My girlfriend was completely naked at the time.  And actually I didn’t have much on either,” said Bradford Weirhauser, vacationing Nozzle Driller from Paul Smiths, New York.  

Maya Beach Hotel guests gather  on Placencia Road

Gibsly Pinzler, a Maya Beach policeman on the scene, kept the nearly-naked guests and staff calm, while monitoring the situation at a safe distance.

Officer Gibsly Pinzler monitoring the situation at a safe distance

Complicating matters was an annual running marathon which passed by the hotel just after the occupation.  

Sex Dolls get to work

“These Sex Dolls are smart.  They moved some of our pool recliners out onto the street and about 8 of the Dolls were lying down on them as if nothing was happening,” said John Lee, co-owner of The Maya Beach Hotel and Bistro. 

As part of the ruse, the Sex Dolls set up a fake swimming pool and pretended to frolic while inside the hotel the Sex Dolls quickly set the tables for their lunch.

Faux pool created to distract the marathon runners and authorities

The diversion created by the Sex Dolls enabled two hundred runners and passerby from noticing that anything was amiss.

Massage tables were immediately deployed by the Sex Dolls

 

Sex Dolls secure the perimeter of the pool

The Sex Dolls wasted no time in revising the menu, offering only dishes allowed by strict 
Sex Doll orthodoxy.   Blowfish and Water Balloons are now the specialty of the house.

The only injury reported was a lacerated big toe and scraped knee of one of the guests while being pushed out of the hotel by a pair of Sex Dolls.  He was treated on the spot by a local nurse who was also at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Ellen and John Lee, owners of the Maya Beach Hotel and Bistro, cast out onto the street by the Sex Dolls.

Although it seemed that there was no apparent leader of the Sex Dolls, Ellen Lee, co-owner of the hotel, sent in Dr. Charles Spaniels, who recently moved to the area, to negotiate with the Sex Dolls.  Spaniels is a retired hostage negotiator who successfully brokered a deal with a band of rogue Cabbage Patch Dolls during the occupation of a U.S. Toys R Us store in Danbury, CT, in 1996. 

Dr. Spaniels

 As rain pounded down on the guests and staff stranded on the street, Dr. Spaniels emerged from his first meeting with the Sex Dolls with a concession from the Dolls to provide the guests and staff with coconut water and Bloody Marys.  “These guys know how to make a decent Bloody Mary,” said Herbert Kollmann, a local marine biologist and entrepreneur.  “They must have had some kind of training in mixology to be able to pull this off.”

Sex Dolls during the occupation

Dr. Spaniels reported that he spoke to a Sex Doll calling himself “Lord Buffo” (pron. buff-oh).  

“The problem that you always have when negotiating with dolls, I don’t care what kind, is that they can’t speak and can’t hear very much either,” said Dr. Spaniels.  “I had a hell of a time describing a Bloody Mary using my hands.”

Meanwhile, as the last of the marathon runners passed by, the guests and staff were organizing a counter-offensive.   A guest, disguised as a marathoner, ran from the hotel and hastily assembled an arsenal of staple guns from licensed staple gun owners in Placencia.  “That’s the only thing that can stop a Sex Doll,” said Dr. Spaniels.

Time is of the essence.  As the standoff continues, the dough in the bakery is rising almost to the breaking point.  “This could force their hand,” said Ms. Lee.  “The extreme dough pressure levels will set off our automated alarms and the Sex Dolls will have to contain the expanding mass of gluten-free dough with their inflated hands and no fingers, and that’s when we send in the staple guns.”

Stay tuned right here for more updates as this tense situation in Belize continues to unfold! 

© 2015 Michael Gury