Venomous Creatures Slighted by DARPA

It was announced yesterday that DARPA, the U.S. Defense Department's experimental munitions

and materiel unit, put out a request for recipes for homemade bombs.  

This is apparently in reaction to the recent spate of ISIS bombing using things that you can get in an ordinary pharmacy.  It appears that the U.S. government is trying to put together a cookbook of

recipes, possibly with the intent of monitoring the shipments of hair bleach to California.

But venomous creatures around the world are upset. 

"Arf", as he is known, a coral snake from Belize, told us: "Listen, the unemployment rate of

venomous creatures, certainly in this area, is huge.  Why are people running around with

chemicals when I've got enough venom right here in my glands to knock off an entire battalion?"

Arf

Arf then brought in Tina, a Black Widow Spider, to speak with us.  I asked Tina about her interests.

Tina

"I'm a small spider but I can zap a few bad guys in seconds.  I don't do good guys, only bad ones.  I'm a widow, so I need the work.  I have a few of my own to take care of."

What was clear after speaking with Arf and Tina, is that there is plenty of venom around, but jobs are scarce. 

DARPA ought to take advantage of the venom and natural talent that is available.

For educational reference or inspiration: http://bit.ly/1MUvA8H

Back to the Future: Donald Karadžić or Radovan Trump?

In this year’s political mayhem, it’s hard to keep things straight, but since I’ve always had it in for Radovan Karadžić, AKA The Butcher of Bosnia, I found myself reading a New York Times update on his war crimes trial this morning.  Very well-written by John Burns, who knows The Butcher personally, the piece is entitled “The Case of Deadly Delusions”.   http://nyti.ms/1MIUw2F

Trump

 

Karadžić

The trial lumbers on in The Hague.  Now we have some kind of hearing eight years after Karadžić was apprehended selling a private brand of steaks, wine and sexual unguents under the alias "Dr. Dragan Donald Drumph Dabić", and decades after slaughtering almost 9000 Muslims in a frenzy of Ethnic Cleansing.

Ethnic Cleansing After Cleaning and Packaging

It is hard not to see Donald Trump in a similar predicament, say, 10 years from now, after wiping out a few million Muslims around the world; going to war with Mexico, Canada and Belize; cozying it up with Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin; building walls that millions of drones fly over every minute; sending in the National Guard and declaring martial law in cities around the United States with “excessive” numbers of illegal aliens (more than 30); and shooting unarmed civilians and puppies with prejudice.  

Maybe it was the hair.  The hair that triggered it.  

I've had it with Belize. You guys need to run for cover!

 

High Lord of the Universe. Donald Trump's Hair and Why We Are In it.

 

While conjecture about the universe has to date proceeded along the lines of a big bang and graphic renderings of it have been of an expanding afro, now supercomputers have found a mass of stringy blonde hair thought to contain trillions of galaxies, including ours. 

It appears that recent graphic modeling of the universe has turned up a complex hairdo in blonde or orange male hair.   Via this graphic, you can see the position of the Milky Way, which is clearly within the strands of hair.  Scientists have called this Laniakea, a name which they hope will be picked up by Proctor and Gamble and then they can retire and get out of the game entirely.

 

Instructional video:  http://bit.ly/1UOvwyQ

"I'm a scientist, so I have no political affiliation," said Durben von Katze, astrophysicist at the Norman Tetrazine Astrophysical Amusement Center in Merryville, Maryland. "But Trump's hair looks like it holds the entire universe, if we believe the supercomputing analysis.  And anything that says 'supercomputing' I have to believe."

Debbie Schwenk, concert pianist and hairdresser, said this: "You could try to wash out all those galaxies, but I'd be afraid we'd have a color problem after that. Plus you might have quite a few galaxies going down the drain."

"With the entire universe in Donald Trump's hair, we can't slip up," commented Dick "Dick" Dick-Argon, hairdresser to Hillary Clinton, Democratic contender for president of the United States. "All I can do for Hillary is some kind of wavy thing that stays out of her mouth."

Donald Trump tweeted:  "Of course I've got the universe in my hair.  And that's not all I've got in there, Hillary!"