America Spells!

Google is wondrous, and thanks to its Google Trends map of the top words misspelled in each of the United States, I  can now really see what’s going on.   I credit my friend Paul Van Winkle for sharing this piece of revealing research via Facebook.

I don’t think that there is anything that Google or Facebook don’t know about you already, but whether or not Spellcheck is working, Google Trends tells us that certain words befuddle the inhabitants of certain states.

On the surface, this seems trivial.  But an examination of the picture may be more revealing. 

Take for example, the word “diarrhea”, which is a problem word in Arizona and New Hampshire.  Coincidence?   Try campaigning in those places.

Also in the medical category; Washington, Missouri, and North Carolina can’t handle “pneumonia”.  I’m trying to find a pattern but fortunately I will not visit any of these places soon, although just in case I recently got a pneumonia shot.  Thank Heavens for Spellcheck!  I also had one for shingles, but everyone can spell things you can buy at Home Depot.

Florida has difficulty with “tomorrow”, which makes sense given the number of retirees there that are waiting it out.

“Desert” is a challenge in Connecticut, Idaho and Indiana, but most notably California where most of the state hasn’t had a drop of rain in eons.  

Nevada, a real desert, has a problem spelling “cousin”, and in Texas, it’s “niece”.  I won’t speculate on why or if there is a sort of weird connection.

“Neighbor” is not a word New Mexicans can spell.   They share a border with the actual Mexico. 

For some odd reason the same word bedevils Delaware, although I think it relates to the fact that you can create corporations in Delaware that don’t encourage neighborly behavior.

Wisconsin can’t spell “vacuum”.  Who needs “vacuum” when you can spell “cheese”?   But Montana and Maine share the same “vacuum” problem!   Not near enough to the Mexican border I guess.  Strange but true!

On the fruit and vegetable front, Ohio and Minnesota don’t do well with “banana” and “broccoli”, respectively.   Surprising, given all of Ohio’s banana plantations!

Inhabitants of Massachusetts can’t spell “Massachusetts”.   But nobody can spell “Massachusetts”.  A few decades ago, the U.S. Postal Service reduced state names to two letters.   Once they declared “Massachusetts” was “MA” there was dancing in the streets and no one ever had to spell the damn thing again.

Still on the East Coast, the word “cancelled” is consistently misspelled in Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Rhode Island.   Either nothing is cancelled in these states, or they’re just in denial.

I’m having a hard time reading the Google Trend map but it appears as if Washington, D.C. has difficulty with “croissant”.   In fairness, it is a French word.   D.C. seems to have a taste for croissants; eaten but not spelled.    Yell out for a "crass-ant" at some breakfast joint and no spelling is required.

On the possibly political front, Vermont, Bernie Sander’s home state, is thrown by the word “possible”.  “Impossible” apparently is something Vermonters can spell. 

 

Neither Oregon or Louisiana will pass a Spelling Bee if you put “definitely” in there.   “Maybe” though has passed muster.

Meanwhile, in New York, “beautiful” is difficult to spell but “gorgeous” is consistently spelled correctly.  Colorado has a similar affliction, but who needs “beautiful” when everyone can spell “awesome”?

Neither Georgia or Illinois can get it together to spell “appreciate”.   I am not sure why this is but maybe people in these states don’t understand how “awesome” they are.   

Conveniently, next door to Georgia is South Carolina, where the word “convenience” is a stumper.  “7-11” isn’t a word, but a brand, however it’s also convenient local nomenclature for “convenience”. 

Oklahoma, South Dakota, and Michigan share a common inability to spell “gray”.  “Black” and “white” can be spelled correctly in these states.  Who needs a word like “gray”?

North Dakota breaks from the pack by its inability to spell “attitude”.  Either it has one, never had one, doesn’t want one, or knows how to spell “gun” and “snowplow”.

“Maintenance” is a huge problem in Kentucky, although to look at Churchill Downs, you’d never guess it.  Iowa seems to have the same affliction with this word, for reasons that can probably be better explained.   “Guarantee” will never happen in Nebraska.

Tennessee, which has a ton of nice and generous people in it, can’t spell “courtesy”.

Kansas can’t spell “schedule”, but the word “late” has flown through Google Trend's tracking and filtration system without a hitch.

I can honestly say that the word “giraffe” is totally useless in West Virginia and it is completely understandable that no one there can spell it, or wants to.   I think it would be unwise to attempt to popularize the word by creating an enormous giraffe breeding center there unless the animals can be used in coal mines.

On to body parts: “Tongue” doesn’t do very well in Alabama.   None are needed for conversation. 

 

“Sergeant” is Mississippi’s Mount Everest of spelling.  “Boss” is the more common word.

Oops, almost forgot New Jersey!  “February” seems to be in no one’s vocabulary.  If you’ve ever been in New Jersey in February, you’ll know why. 

   

In spite of the almost overwhelming population of Irish immigrants in Arkansas and Utah, no one in either state can spell “leprechaun”!   I should say that the Little People vote, too, so it would be smart for politicians there to start respecting leprechauns and learning how to spell.  Otherwise, fear St. Patrick’s Day!

Finally, we hit pay dirt in Hawaii with “boutineer”, which Google Trends tells us is misspelled.

With this gem of social media research, Google plummets into New Jersey in February.   

The correct spelling is: “boutonniere”, another French pick-up, and for those who don’t read GQ, it’s basically a small arrangement of flowers on a man’s lapel as an accessory for formal occasions like Junior Proms.  If Google's idea of the spelling of this word was in their tracking software, that means the Hawaiians were probably spelling it correctly.  Why?  Because they have flowers and make millions of boutonnieres and export them!

Now, if you look at Alaska, they don’t seem to have any spelling issues. 

We can surmise that no spelling happens there, words don’t matter, that guns speak louder, or Google just can’t capture words up there the way they capture words in Hawaii.

   

Not a lot of boutonnieres in Alaska.   

But "boutineers"?  You betcha!

Ask the swashbuckling Boutineer in Chief, Sarah Palin!