The Misery Channel Announced at YAWNCOM

 

Executives at Elevenodd TV today announced a new cable TV channel devoted to miserable people, situations, places, and topics of all kinds related to being miserable, called the Misery Channel.

The executives promise to seek out and license only the most miserable and depressing programming from around the world and plan to produce its own miserable programs.

“Misery loves company, right?”, said Bert A. Nethesia, CEO of Elevenodd TV. “The problem is that if you are surfing for misery on TV today, it’s hit or miss.  There will always be some levity or happy endings blended in with misery.  This channel will be all misery, all the time.”

Nesthesia

Announced at YAWNCOM, the annual convention of cable companies, held this year in Newark, NJ, the Misery Channel has created a lot of excitement among cable operators looking for new programming.

“This the kind of programming we’ve needed to balance the plethora of uplifting channels in our current offerings,” said Hal O. Ween, Programming Director at Flytrap Cable, which serves two dozen homes in downtown Detroit.

Ween

Advertisers are lining up, too.

“I think the demographic for this channel is really great,” said Dee Dee Marbles, Account Executive at ad agency Bad Advertising. 

Marbles

“We think the numbers are going to be outstanding and many of our clients from pharmaceuticals to rat poisons will want in.  Misery is a terrific theme.”

The Misery Channel is scheduled for launch in spring, 2017.

Said Nethesia, “I think there will be a lot more misery to share by then.”

After Election Loss, Donald Trump to Enter Military School

According to an anonymous source close to the family, Trump’s children have unanimously decided that, should he lose the election -- based his bad behavior, lack of discipline, disrespect for authority, and poor grades during the election – returning to a Military Academy would best for their father.

During a short stint in a posh prep school as a teenager, Donald Trump was nearly expelled for his bad behavior, lack of discipline, disrespect for authority, and poor grades. 

Donald, 2nd from left, cooking up his next prank

His father, Fred Trump Sr.,  yanked him out the school before he was expelled and placed him in St. George S. Patton Military Academy known for transforming delinquents into disciplined, respectful, and honorable young men.

Minutes from expulsion

One family friend, who chose to remain anonymous, said this:

“Donald couldn’t be controlled.  He felt he could get away with anything.  He sometimes did, but mostly got caught.  Fred was really ticked-off and placed him in St. George S. Patton Military Academy.   And it seemed to work.  There’s nothing like having to clean a few latrines and march in formation.”

Thanks Dad, for keeping me from getting canned.

Trump, in the middle.  The last time he ever got in formation.

Proud parents of a transformed Donald

“We’d be delighted to have Donald back.  I’m sure he will benefit, as will his family, by the transformation after his time here,” said Major Cornelius “Buckshot” Hardass, proctor of the St. George S. Patton Military Academy.   “Plus he might learn a thing or two about the military.”