Thank you for sharing, Zander! You've got a great eye for bargains!

For Sale!

Selling Heavily Used Non-Functioning Government

 

 

Government quit working a while back, no one has been able to fix it. Currently requires obscene operating costs and multiple pointless individuals to manage it. Comes with own judicial system, executive branch and legislative branch, also comes with multiple pointless redundancies and non functioning programs. Commonly disrespects own laws and rarely accomplishes anything with a point. Contact Chinese Government for payment plan, asking price 17.2 trillion to cover previous operating expenses and debts. May need new parts including, President, Vice President, Congress, Senate, House of Representatives and multiple other replacements. Parts are easy to find and cheap to apply, must offer salaried position to each part and promise them they are safe and more important than other employes of governments. If shutdown occurs again please make sure to feed congress and president or else they will get pissy and throw a fit. Please do not feed after midnight and keep away from water, may cause gremlin like destruction of country. * Location: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.

Source: Craigslist Originally Posted: Sun, 13 Oct 19:29 EDT  
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/4127662112.html

#      #     # 

So, Zander! What a find! 

Unfortunately I think the price is way out of line for something that's been on the market for a while. And the agent isn't exactly "selling" the property either! Clearly this is a "fixer-upper", but really, how can you get rid of it if you tell someone the thing is dysfunctional? You'd lose your shirt putting in new things like a Congress! And no antique dealer I know of is going to be able to sell it if you screw around with too much "restoration" and ruin its original "craftsmanship". And I still don't think whoever wrote this is telling the whole truth! 

Right now the only way I can see of unloading this hunk-of-junk is to sell it for the parts. A couple of the more kitchy monuments, portraits of Millard Fillmore and Richard Nixon, the cool stuff on display at the FBI, hand-edited drafts of the Affordable Care Act, a disk drive from the NSA (which as you know tops anyone's list of government memorabilia) -- those are probably worth something to the oddball collector. You can probably recoup a some decent change right there. 

As harsh as it seems, the rest should be sold as scrap to a couple of guys in Bangladesh (I've got their numbers by the way), shipped over there, and blow-torched on a beach. It'll be pennies on the trillion, but recycling is important for the planet. I know it's hard, but sometimes it's important just to let go. But at least the headaches are gone, you've got a clean slate, you can start over, and you can finally do something productive with your time other than constantly having to patch up a wheezing relic. If it were me, I'd learn how to cook with kimchi.

Keep looking!

Your Friend, 

Charlie

[Footnote: Zander Cruise scours the planet for great deals and he's a pretty good friend. I'm still considering the Whiskey-Class nuclear sub that he surfaced (literally), by the way.  Frankly I was looking for something nuclear but I don't know about the cavitation on this one]