It’s encouraging that scientists, after discovering and celebrating the Higgs Boson (“God Particle”) they found last year -- a thing which is completely incomprehensible to everyone in the world --
have finally got down to brass tacks and come up with something useful.
Transplanting heads.
Of course, we all know that there are heads in cold storage waiting for bodies. Walt Disney and Ted Williams come to "mind" (ed. Don’t start!).
Anyway, this isn’t about heads waiting around, this is about trading up.
We’re talking about whose head would I rather have? Mine or Sarah Jessica Parker’s? My problem with Parker's head gets down to shoes, which are ungainly in 5" heels.
And where would my head go? Do I have to be attached to her? Then I've got the shoe problem and all her other issues.
Based on the news, which is based on some monkey head transplants, I imagine there are a lot of headless rhesus monkeys around. There would be a certain advantage to having a rhesus monkey body; like swinging on vines and swooping down on Seven-11. If the monkey got my body, it would definitely be trading down. If my head was attached to the monkey, I’d be "ahead" (ed. Stop this!), although the monkey body might not like sitting around watching Masterpiece Theater.
So now we have a lot of philosophical noodling to do. Mary Shelley stuck a little religion into her speculative work. Neither Tim Burton nor Mel Brooks felt that it would benefit box office receipts to do so. Victor Frankenstein could not be reached for comment.
But let’s not get all excited by this, it’s really just moving some body parts around, and it was inevitable that we’d figure this out at some point.
Just ask the God Particle. Wherever it is.
[Stay tuned for: DNA Sensation. Growing Woolly Mammoths for Fun and Profit!]
